I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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