i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
