you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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