I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
