its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
