after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
