Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you traded sex for a burrito?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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