No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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