Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
