I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
