IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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