im about as happy as oj after his trial
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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