and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
