Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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