I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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