I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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