Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
