dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
