WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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