C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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