Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
