I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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