Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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