She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
