Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You ruined the universe
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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