There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
