i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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