I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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