she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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