there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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