Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So many bounce houses so little time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize