his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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