He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
