i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
