I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
