I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize