Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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