She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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