Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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