And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
