If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
