I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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