epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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