jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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