I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
