K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
