my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize