boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
