Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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