I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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