we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
