Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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