I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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