Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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