Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
