it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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