respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
