If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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