Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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