Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Redeem this text for a blowjob
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I intend to get homeless drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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