winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
