mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im holly from the hills drunk
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
