So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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