Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
