sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I want her autograph on my taint
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am one with the molecules
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
