so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
