how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
