This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
