Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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