all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
