I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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