The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
