if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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