How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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