he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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