I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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