Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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