My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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