Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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