when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
