nut hugger
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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