i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
