That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize