I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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