So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
