Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
