There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
