So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
