I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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