how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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