matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
