DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
