Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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