woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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