somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
