wakey wakey hands off snakey
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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