Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize