I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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