just tell him i said nine months
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
