found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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