I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
