..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
