I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your penis caused this!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
