i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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