the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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